My Inner Australian Shepherd

Let me introduce you to a tendency I call my Inner Australian Shepherd. When social interactions start to get negative I often feel compelled to herd the conversation towards a place that feels more optimistic.

In the moment, it feels kind and kind of right, but more recently I’ve had a change of view. I’ve come to see the darker and disrespectful aspects of trying to influence someone else’s mental states. Asserting positivity is a subtle way of controlling the atmospheric pressure in challenging social situations. I began to see that my need to cajole people toward my way of thinking was really as insidious and unhelpful as the behavior I was reacting to. I started to ask a different question: “Where is the inertia within me?”

My herding instinct initiates from my own anxiety. Someone else’s mental states do not cause me to stagnate: not attending to my own do. Most of the time, the recalibration required is on my side of the relational fence. Negativity exaggerates my feelings of helplessness. As soon as I prioritize my own vulnerability, I am able to ask for what I need and am less attached to the outcome. I don’t often get what I want but what I do experience is a healthy dose of self respect.

In a recent moment where I pulled back from shepherding, I was able to let life be life. What usually feels like a heavy lift, became a moment for me to see myself. I don’t need to negate someone else’s mental states to exist within my own. Like a breeze or a storm, or a breath, life just is.

Now, if I herd, I sense how I become less alive. When I ask someone to deviate from who they are, I become less, too. It’s been a hard lesson but I feel the change in every interaction: a softening of my hands, an opening of my heart, an acceptance of anxiety (mine and others), death (mine and others), and ultimately about life itself.

Does my Inner Australian Shepherd rear up, still? You bet….

But like every pet parent knows, training takes consistency, compassion, and discipline. I have downgraded the habit to a behavior and that behavior is rapidly losing its appeal.