an almost nonsensical reverie on uncovering a new mantra

Wonder is one of those words that fascinates me. It can hold the grandeur of awe and surprise or pirouette without warning into doubt and uncertainty.

It is a paradox, much like the paradox of an aging-person’s yoga practice. Once the gloss of fancy poses has worn off, it’s hard to describe exactly what that is. I think of it as sitting with the mystery.

I read an interview with Angela Farmer, an 82-year-old yogini who I respect enormously, and she said, “ My practice has slowed down to the outer eye. There’s less happening to the outside eye but more happening deeper inside.”

I decided to take this to heart in a recent practice. I sat with my right sitting bone hanging off the edge of a blanket, slowly coaxing the thoracolumbar fascia to let go. After a very long period of stasis, there was a rush of fluid in my hip socket. For the first time in what felt like years, I could move without impingement.

“How WONDERFUL.”

It was the only thought I could think and it overtook me like good mantras do, fast-tracking a moment that would be difficult to recreate. An unfiltered experience of awe. Like time travel. Or levitation. Or the ten years it takes to become an overnight success.

Suddenly (tho not at all) my hip worked again. I felt like an audience to my own internal magic.

How WONDERFUL to know that things can change.

How WONDERFUL that change is real.

How WONDERFUL that small human experiences can still delight.

and also…I WONDER if this will last…

When a new mantra comes there is always surprise; there is always doubt; and there is no shortage of fascination. It cracks me open and leaves me more vulnerable to life.

I ate a raspberry right off the plant like an animal.

I spun around like a kid getting up from an asana.

I cried when a sad thing was just too sad.

How WONDERFUL.

This flow of thought is much closer to how I practice and perceive, which isn’t to say that I’m going to express myself this way here or in sessions or class with frequency. But I decided to pull back the curtain, so that you might consider how wonder operates in your life.

Where is the doubt?

Where is the awe?

This is where the body leads. Are you ready to follow?