I heard this phrase about a yoga teacher recently that, for a number of reasons, stuck with me: “She’s a big deal in her world.”

Being a “big deal” in the yoga world or, indeed, any world has been a bit of a challenge for me and something I’ve been looking to examine.

In most cases, a “big deal” includes some, if not all, of the following subset of accomplishments: highly visible public teaching, a large social media following, scalable offerings, books or other displays of expertise, affiliate marketing, and notoriety. These are the primary signifiers, in most entrepreneurial/creator circles, of success. There is also a secondary industry of marketers, PR firms, coaches, stylists, podcasters, etc. who support the creatives and guide them toward the ever larger grasp at the gold ring.

I appreciate the drive it takes to do those things and have challenged myself to address the internal cringe I feel when I think of them. Am I staring up at an unattainable goal? Or am I staring down a fear of success?

Every time I try to imagine myself as a Big Deal, I simply can't. There are no visuals, no sensations, and no genuine longing to do that work. I know those who do, and I know how hard they push themselves. They are champions and doing great things in the world at an impressively large scale.

What I can imagine is the vastness of the human energy field–an experience of the sublime that I might be able to titrate down into an articulated shareable point of view. This possibility itself feels very big, but not in the way that I associate with the “big deal.”

What calls to me instead is THE BIG REAL and I am only beginning to understand what that means in a professional context.

The Big Real has:

• an organic unfolding quality

• harmonious low key aesthetics

• space to transcend or accept limitations

• equanimity toward life’s hardships and joy

• acknowledgement that “enough” is healthy

• a community based in care, resonance, and generosity.

• creativity, producing good work, and sharing as cohesive forces

• sturdy flexible views on health that grow as needs and understanding change

I am aware that the big deal and the big real are not mutually exclusive. There is great skill involved in the big deal and I marvel at it. But what I crave is this other thing where every moment pushes the edges of my growth, where I become progressively more fearless in the face of human suffering, and where I find myself accessing more of myself as a creative lover of life. If I am able to achieve even something of the big real, it will be interesting to see if elements of the big deal align behind it.

Perhaps that becomes the hybrid model– THE REAL BIG DEAL.